Hi everyone :)
When I was a little girl I got molested. Then, a few years later, I got molested again by a friend of the family. Although the events were very short and not violent, these things were a great impact on my life as a child and my thinking of my value as a human and as a Christian.
I had believed in God since I was little. And although I believed in God, I realize now, how little trust I had in him.
Because of my lack of trust in God and lack of understanding of God and my value, then the cycle of abuse, once started, was very hard to stop. I fell deeper and deeper into dependency on man's love. Other things I had to deal with included a great fear of men (and incorrect submission to them), a belief in my own worthlessness and confusion about my body. So all of these negative understandings about God and myself and all these fears gradually have been eroded away as I have learnt to trust in God.
Yet even though I didn't really know how awesome God was and I didn't know of my own value, I still leant on his strength. I was so weak and so I just asked God to get to me through each day.
"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble."
Psalm 46:1 (Authorized King James Version of the Bible)
As Psalm 46 verse 1 says, God is my strength. So if he is my strength, then I am not my own strength. So I have to get on and use God's strength, and not only is that okay, it really is the only way.
One of the things that happened due to the cycle of abuse is that I ended up in a relationship where I was getting hit and punched and my hair pulled and dragged across the floor and other things of a violent nature. This violence was horrible. But the psychological effects directly because of this abuse on me were much worse because they would go on when the violence had ceased. So all of the negative thoughts about myself and my life basically caused me to cry myself to sleep. Night after night I cried myself to sleep. This happened for years. I wish I had remembered or noticed or been told about this verse back then. But here is a verse that I found recently which says that God is the only one who makes me dwell in safety and helps me sleep peacefully.
"I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep:
for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety."
Psalm 4:8 (AKJV)
Now I am dwelling in safety, but that only happened after I put my trust in God. Then circumstances began to change.
These are some of the things that changed in my thinking as I put my trust in God.
I began to see the cycle of love that God had for me. Foremost was trusting God for my love instead of an abusive man. (It seems like a bit of a no-brainer now, but at the time, it was really hard to accept.) Then I was able to work on loving people. As I began to realize God's love for me, then I began to love people more and I mean this in a practical sense (eg. praying for people when you see they have a need, going and saying hello to someone etc.). I was actually learning to receive God's love more too, by this stage.
And then there has been the realization that I am actually quite valuable and you are too. Yes we are so valuable because our Lord Jesus paid the price for us to be with Father God. Jesus died on the cross to set us free from sin and pain and death. Do you see how valuable you are!
Finally there has also been the understanding of my physical body as being a special thing for God and that I must keep it holy and set apart for God. My body is beautiful but it belongs to God. And that means that everything I do with my body must be giving glory to God and that other people have no right over my body for, as a single Christian, it is God's.
No matter what troubles you have had in life (and we have all had troubles), God wants us to trust in him and he wants to help us out of those troubles. God is our help in times of trouble. He actually wants us safe and want us to lie down safely. So look to him for your strength.
God is good.
Lots of love from Ohroara :)
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